After reviewing their performance for the nearly passed year of 2019, the completely non-biased Legislative Compensation Board came to the reasonable conclusion that our legislators deserve, no, are owed a pay raise. After an intense hour-long discussion among themselves, our esteemed aristocracy landed on the reasonable and logically decided wage increase of 69%.
When asked for his take on situation, Greenwell (District 5) stated that it was a "very nice" figure and that he was "frickin' hype for that shit to hit the direct deposit, my guy." Ah, there's no class of people more eloquently spoken than politicians.
While some people remain opposed to this increase, pointing at the failure of a raise for our whiny educators, the response from the Board was succinct and complete. "Fuck off, nerds" they spat from their pedestal, as they sipped champagne from Chihuly flutes.
This concludes yet another well thought out, edited, and crafted edition of The Daily Soy.